What is a Thirsty Thursday?
Is it the day made up by consumerist America intended on driving up club revenue through discrete promotions that build hype and anticipation for the weekend’s happenings?
Is it the day where the machinations of a freshman brat hell-bent on getting fucked up for the sake of social status ends with him passed out on a frathouse couch, with a bucket list of inanimate objects piled up on him for qthe sake of prank culture?
Is it the day where the post-college extrovert ironically simps around in a secluded mom-and-pop bar, drinking like it’s the last day on Earth while kicking the shit with the urban free folk?
Is it the day where you transition out of your military work schedule into a rest period in order to recoup from the stress of double shifts, as well as the blistering sun and rabid humidity that Africa has to offer?
Yikes, that got personal. My bad.
Thirsty Thursday is more routine than tradition. A sole day dedicated to the extended dehydration of oneself for the sake of merit and/or excitement (in a sense, a catch-22).
As you grow older, you’ll see why it’s a routine. Traditions usually don’t change as drastically as routines. They’re also more respectable.
Shit, if you still hit up frat parties and you’re old enough to rent a car in Florida…
But whereas tradition is usually grounded in bridging the generational gap, routine exists to make sure it’s interesting. The cream cheese to your bagel. The fizz to your soda. The marinara to your meatballs. Like they say, variety is the spice of life.
That’s why it’s important that the convention of this mythical holiday is maintained, no matter the age or situation. A placeholder for thrill, Thirsty Thursday is where the greatest memories are born, arguably.
It’s the day you decide to muster up the courage to stop procrastinating, finish up that 10 page essay for civic studies, and submit it before the midnight deadline. Trust me, it sucks. I’ve never even taken civic studies before, but a quick internet search will show you that a 10 page essay on that specific topic will probably suck.
It’s the day you decide to muster up the courage to ask for that promotion at work on Friday afternoon (so you’ll have the weekend off to recover if rejected horribly).
It’s the day you decide to muster up the courage to ask that pretty girl from class out on a date (so you’ll have the night to black out and hook up with some sleaze from Tally-Ho if rejected horribly. Also, the drinks there are 50% off on Thursday, even a fucking Long Island).
It’s the day you decide to muster up the courage to empower yourself.
“Oh but what if I’m feeling real productive on Saturday, or Monday’s my spa day, and I get some really good ideas off on spa day?”
Think of Thirsty Thursday as the middle sibling in a harrowing family consisting of 7 siblings and no parents. Think of the movie “What Happened to Monday”, only less misogynistic (come on, that movie was controversial to that end, you gotta admit. Still a good movie though).
Monday-Wednesday are your older siblings: defaulted to responsibility, slightly jaded, egregiously assertive, and wise. The past.
Friday-Sunday are your younger siblings: not slighted by the obstacles that Monday-Wednesday clear up, bubbly by nature, adored by all, and mostly troublesome. The future.
TT is your middle ground: focused from the knowledge of the older, curious of the knowledge from the newer, and self-aware of its role as the present. A vital piece of our lives, it is. Never forget to live in the now as best as you can. I fuck with you, Thirsty Thursday. Thank you for your duty. You will always have a special place in my black heart.